The Gospel of Michael Bay

A recent internet (read: unscientific, unreliable, probably inaccurate) poll reports that by a two-to-one margin, people take Michael Bay's side in his feud with Megan Fox.

The war of words began when Fox asserted that, based on the requirements of her for Transformers, Bay wasn't interested in getting great performances out of his actors, but was more concerned with how well they could scream and run away from CGI explosions. Bay retorted, saying that Fox had "a lot of growing up to do" and claiming his status as something of a king-maker in Hollywood.

The real issue I have with Bay's inflated comments is the complete lack of evidence that exists to support them. In his initial retort to Fox, Bay claims, "...I 100% disagree with her. Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in Armageddon. Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did Transformers — and then he exploded."

Whoa. There's a lot of debunking to be done here. First of all, Bay is referencing his casting of Cage in The Rock, a movie whose action sequences are adequate but which includes lines of dubious merit, like "Do you like the Elton John song 'Rocket Man'? Well, I only ask because it's you -- YOU'RE the Rocket Man!" Cue rocket hitting baddie. Yawn.

Before the doubtlessly genius The Rock, however, Cage had acted in a much lower-budget and well-received Leaving Las Vegas. The film earned Cage a Best Oscar win at the 68th Academy Awards in 1995, making him the fifth-youngest man ever to receive it. History remembers his work in the former rather than Bay's overblown nonsense.

Next: Ben Affleck did indeed star in Bay's Armageddon, an equally visionary (read: unwatchable) film about American space cowboys blowing up an asteroid. Prior to his role in soap operas from space, however, Affleck had received his own Oscar for Best Original Screenplay with writing partner Matt Damon for the unanimously better Good Will Hunting.

In Bay's delusions, Affleck's and Cage's careers would have been nothing without his Midas touch. Unfortunately, the truth shows a decidedly different outcome. After Leaving Las Vegas, Cage worked on more than ten films before hitting another project that yielded positive reviews: 2002's Adaptation. Affleck waded through Pearl Harbor, Daredevil, Gigli, and Jersey Girl (among others) before joining successes like Hollywoodland and Gone Baby Gone. The reality of the situation seems to be that Bay, rather than saving the careers of his actors, has nearly derailed them. As for LaBeouf...well, anyone claiming his excellence as an actor has a pretty big case to build.

The real crime here is that Bay has demonstrated little to no concern about the acting abilities of those he casts. Fox did not read any lines during her audition for Transformers. At Bay's insistence, she donned cut-off shorts and a tank top and washed his Ferrari, while he filmed her (the tape, for the record, has been mysteriously "lost".) Somehow, "hubris" doesn't quite capture the self-image that Bay has cultivated.

Perhaps Megan does have some growing up to do. Unlike Bay, however, she may actually grow into a talent worth watching.